… But today is my birthday and as I reflect back on the past year in my life I cannot wait for this chapter to end and a new one to begin.
This past year I experienced my heart being broken twice. 💔💔
The first was in July with someone that I started dating in January 2018 and started being on and off in May 2018 (because she would end things and then would want to get back together again and my dumbass would take her back every time 🙃) that I was completely open and vulnerable with and gave my all to.. including leaving a job (granted I wasn’t entirely happy with the job.. but still), helping her move into a new house and doing work around that house (because at the time I thought we were going to be a long term thing and I wanted to help make a house a home for us), and even letting her use my employer’s Apple store discount for a new iPhone XR a month before we broke up. After everything I did for her and that relationship and all the sacrifices I was willing to make and the patience I had, she had the audacity to say to/ask me “what value do you bring to my life?” That shit really hurt and damaged me. (And I think I’m still dealing with the pain of being told that)
So I was single and basically gave up on love.. then I met someone in September and we just clicked right away.. talked all day every day straight from the get go. We started dating in October and I decided to open myself up to love again and to be fully vulnerable again. And again.. made sacrifices.. like driving 2 hours a day to see and be with her. Then something changed with her (and to this day still don’t know what exactly and will never know) and a week before Thanksgiving she broke up with me and said she couldn’t do this and be in a relationship (admittedly she did have a lot she went through the past year.. both relationships they had a lot of stuff happened to them and was dealing with.. and I fully accepted them for who they were and loved them unconditionally).. she said we connected emotionally and all that and I was such a great guy and would make a great partner in life, but she felt like something was missing and that she wanted to focus on herself and didn’t want to date. She also told me near the beginning of the relationship that she couldn’t go through another heartbreak, but I guess it’s fine when she’s the one doing the breaking 🙃. Then a few weeks ago I find out not only has she been on a few dates but is somewhat regularly hanging out with some guy.. yet was still calling and texting me all the time.. and using my HBO NOW login 😒. I told her I can’t do this whole be friends thing and that basically I need a clean break from her… it also helped my buddy gave me some tough love and straight up asked me why I was so hung up on this girl.. when clearly she wasn’t because she would say things like “we didn’t even date that long”.
Oh and the first one.. yeah.. she said she wanted to focus on her and her kids.. well a few months after we broke up not only is she dating someone else, she is moving in with him or some shit.. so yeah 🙃
I mean there are times I miss them.. sure.. sucks coming home and not having anybody to share life with.. but I know they weren’t right for me.. and I’m sure they served some purpose for me in my life.. just wish I knew what exactly God was trying to show me by putting me through all that 🙃. Plus going to hockey games and stuff with my friend and his girlfriend is fun I suppose.. just would be nice to not always be a third wheel.. although wouldn’t want to be a third wheel with anyone else 😂.
Anyway.. now that the negative is out of the way…
… time for the positive.
This past year also brought a lot of good.. I met some new friends.. and grew closer in friendship with others.. and they were there for me through all my depressed and down times with all my relationship drama.. offering me advice and whatnot.. to me they became part of my family and I love them and would do anything for them. (Even if I have to hear about those damn TRUE skates all the time 😂)
I also got a pretty decent pay raise with my employer 💰 and I absolutely love the company I work for.. yes I left a job for a woman.. but I don’t regret it all because it lead me to where I am now and it’s amazing and I love it and the people there.
The biggest thing I accomplished this past year was I trained for and completed my first full marathon. There were times during my training early on after my first breakup where I had zero motivation to do anything, but I stuck with my training plan and did my runs and went to the gym to workout. Even during the marathon my hip and knee started hurting around mile 15 or so and I hit the wall around mile 17 and started basically walking the rest of the way and seriously thought about saying fuck it and quitting, but I pushed through and the last two miles or so caught up with my mom’s crazy MRTT fiends and they gave me the boost I needed to finish and as I crossed that finish line I was in tears because it was such an emotional thing and I still cannot believe I completed 26.49 miles (little more because it tried to high five all the children every mile from Nationwide Children’s Hospital).
I got family and friends that love and care about me.. so in the end life isn’t all that bad.
I’m looking forward to chapter 28 in my life and seeing what it brings me.. hopefully no more heart breaks and less pain during the full marathon (yep.. in two days I’m registering for The Columbus Marathon again 😬).
Goodbye, 27.
Hello, 28.
😔
Picking up iPhone 11 Pro Max 512GB Midnight Green, Verizon at 8:00am in store next Friday 😎
It sucks being a lonely introvert with (social) anxiety and a huge heart and a high sex drive 🙃
